The Six Degrees of Barack Obama Brainwashing America’s Children

President Barack Obama speaks at a town hall meeting about health ...

FRESH is BACK

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(September 8, 2009) As Labor Day Weekend has passed, it’s officially the end of summer.  College football season has begun, Congress will be back in session soon, and I have retired all my white clothes.  So now it’s back to politics as usual.  The Obama administration is confronting several challenges this fall, including the ever-contentious healthcare bill.  Not since Adam vs. Kris has the public been so vehemently divided.

But even though Obama is facing his worst approval rating since being in office, the administration is taking steps to push through his ambitious agenda.

President Barack Obama speaks about heath care during a town ...

On Tuesday, Obama  plans to address schoolchildren in a controversial back-to-school speech.  The “controversy” has been stoked by conservatives who fear that Obama is trying to brainwash our kids with socialist talk.  Well if that’s true, I’m definitely not letting the POTUS around my [hypothetical] kids.  I mean, who does he think he is, Big Bird?  What other brainwashing is Obama capable of?

To investigate this brainwashing claim further, I decided to look at some of the top stories from Labor Day weekend.  It appears the Obama conspiracy machine is even stronger than we thought.  We always knew that the mainstream media was in his back pocket; but now, it looks like Obama’s encroaching upon Kevin Bacon territory.

The following is an example of Obama’s liberal mind control with the top stories during Labor Day Weekend: as you can see, it all comes back to him.

labordaynews1

(Starting at the top, going clockwise)

  • Obama Brainwashes Kids: On Monday, Obama released the text for his speech to schoolchildren, emphasizing the importance of education, and encouraging kids to stay in school.  This is ironic, given…
  • Sam Bradford Injures Shoulder: On Saturday, last year’s Heisman Trophy winner injured his shoulder after being slammed to the ground during a game versus BYU.  Bradford, who would have been the probable #1 pick in this year’s NFL draft, instead chose to stay in school.  Hmm, there goes millions of dollars — but at least he has a University of Oklahoma education!  Yet, Bradford’s injury was not the only football story of the weekend…
  • Shawn Merriman and Tila Tequila Battle it Out: On Sunday, San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawn Merriman was taken into custody following a domestic dispute with TV personality Tila Tequila.  It’s another classic case of angry football player beating his intoxicated, bisexual reality star girlfriend.  The likely aftermath is that the charges will get dropped, Merriman will go on to the Pro Bowl, and Tila Tequila will get another VH1 show out of it (my suggestion: “A Stranglehold on Love, With Tila Tequila”).  It’s not often that you get earnest headlines like the following: “Tequila denies being drunk.”  But the 4′11″ Tequila was not the only undersized girl to survive a beating this weekend…
  • Melanie Oudin Shocks Russia: American tennis upstart Melanie Oudin, 17, stunned three Russian opponents on the way to her first US Open quarterfinal.  Playing three grueling three-set matches within the week, Oudin knocked off opponents who were, on average, bigger (five inches taller), stronger (fifteen pounds heavier), and older (at least five years, with Petrova and Dementieva both a full decade past Melanie’s 17 years).  The fact that all three opponents were Russian is interesting, given…
  • More Troops Requested in Afghanistan: The 1979 Soviet War in Afghanistan lasted nine years, and is frequently referred to as “Russia’s Vietnam.”  Can we avoid the same fate, or is the U.S. headed for Vietnam II?  Last week, Gen. McChrystal, who is leading American and NATO forces in Afghanistan, requested that more troops be brought in to stabilize the country.  Obama is expected to confer with advisors on the troop increase this week.  However, he will be without one of his most trusted advisors, Senator Ted Kennedy…
  • Candidates Emerging for Senator Kennedy’s Seat: A special election for Kennedy’s Senate seat has been scheduled for January 19, 2010.  Joe Kennedy (Ted’s nephew) has already said he won’t run. Vicki Kennedy (Ted’s widow) has privately denied claims as well.  So if it’s not a Kennedy, who will it be?  Rumored contenders range from Martha Coakley (Massachusetts attorney general) to Curt Schilling (of bloody sock lore).  But if Kennedy’s Senate seat falls into the hands of a (gasp!) Republican, the Dems may not get the 60 votes needed to stave off filibusters and pass healthcare reform.  Which brings us right back to…
President Barack Obama speaks about heath care during a town ...

Obama.  That’s right.  Not only is Obama turning our children into liberal monsters, but he’s monopolized the news as well.

Thus, this proves that the Obama spin machine is genius when it comes to keeping his brainwashy policies top-of-mind.  So, keep an eye on your kids now that they’re back in school.  I know that my [hypothetical] children are getting nowhere near Big Bird Obama.  Or Shawn Merriman, for that matter.

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